“It goes back to constantly challenging yourself, and constantly having to remember that awkward, cringey feeling – that’s what courage feels like.” – Brene Brown
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brene Brown
These two companion quotes really hit home for me right now. I had a bit of a “crisis of self” this week. You see, a while back I had decided to participate in a questionable and probably psychically unhealthy activity from my old life. I say old life because I have been on a journey of self-rediscovery the last 18 to 24 months that has transformed me into what I can only describe as a different species from what I existed on this earth as before.
In any case, at some point recently on this journey, my old, rebellious ego fought its way back to the surface and convinced me that this *thing* I was planning was going to be really empowering and fun and prove to me how far I had really come. I was on a stubborn mission to be tough, with a devil-may-care attitude. So, I committed to it.
What I realized when I sat quietly in contemplation was that I was feeling really yucky and ugly inside about this plan. And for weeks I had been existing with the heaviness inside me – desperately trying to justify my choice, rationalize it, cajole and taunt myself for being weak or lame if I didn’t go through with it. And even more powerful for me was the thought of disappointing or letting down this person I had roped into this folly of a mission with me. That was the worst of all!
Finally, this week – I had been in the middle of a meditation (more of a “had-my-eyes-closed-trying-to-get-my-brain-to-stop-having-random-thoughts-so-I-could-be-a-rockstar-meditator”) when I just *knew* beyond a shadow of a doubt that I needed to back out of this activity without looking back. That by following through with it, I would be compromising myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. That it would be so out of alignment with who I am now and who I am on the journey to be – that the damaging setback would just not be worth it.
I can tell you – even though I was resolute that I had to fix this – it caused me to have an even more acute stomachache as I envisioned the call I was going to have to make to this other person to cancel. I mean, there was money and logistics involved in this scheme! But I did it anyway – in the most gracious manner I could muster. The relief was almost instantaneous. It had to be done. I still have a bit of a niggle in the middle of my chest for “letting down” the other person and worrying that they would stop liking me, but I know that is just an indication of further introspection and work I still need to do on myself. I’m ok with that – we are all constant works in progress. That’s what so great about being a human being – we can always change our minds, learn more, evolve.
So, all this to say these two things for you to take away.
- Nobody is perfect. Sometimes you fall off track, do things out of alignment with who you are or want to be, make mistakes. It’s ok. It’s not the end of the world. In fact, expect it. The key is not letting it keep you down for too long. Have faith in your own resiliency – it will amaze you!
- Practice loving yourself first. I say practice because for many of us, this does not come easily. But trust me when I say, if you can become a master at this, everything else will fall into place. Cultivate the courage it takes to stand up for yourself, to be an advocate for yourself, to be your own unapologetic biggest fan.
Go forth and be B.R.A.V.E.!
–Sharon